Okay, I know the judgmental freaks that this rant is intended for will most likely never come across this blog. I'm at peace with that. But I need it to get it out anyway.
This is for the group of old ladies at Applebees who stared at my huge basketball belly as I walked through the restaurant to my table with disgusted looks. For the lady and her boyfriend who stood behind me in the line at Target and whispered about my age. For anybody who has ever glared at me with their judgmental, "just another stupid teen mom" eyes.
I'm well aware that a lot of young moms are irresponsible, immature, and completely NOT ready to be caring for a child. I'm aware that a lot of them aren't bringing babies into a stable environment, and a lot of them are still depending on their own mommies and daddies to provide food, clothing and shelter for them plus their babies. I'm even more aware that most young moms are more concerned about going out and having a good time than staying home and caring for the lives they chose to create. Believe me, those people piss me off just as much as they piss any of you off.
Hear this: I am not some high school whore who forgot to use a condom one drunken night. No, my baby wasn't planned, but why does that matter? What? There's no ring on my finger? Right-o! I didn't run off with my baby daddy and get married the second the pregnancy test came back positive, and no, the guy I'm with is not my latest boy-toy. You awkwardly ask if he's the father as the three of us are out together, as if it's some huge shock that a girl so young would still be with the father of her baby. After all, all young women with babies get knocked up by random flings. Also a shocker? I have my own apartment, I go to school, AND I take care of my child. I also don't pawn my baby off on my parents so I can go get drunk with my friends.
So how about this? Stop staring and wipe that disapproving look off your smug face. Some people in this world ARE responsible and making good decisions, despite the fact that they're ::gasp:: young!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
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I never got stared at or whispered about so I wont comment on that and I also wouldnt comment on the rest of the entry if it was just about young moms getting judged, because we do, but I can tell from the "those people piss me off just as much as they piss any of you off" that you are right along with them judging too. Im not trying to be a bitch at all either, Im just saying..
ReplyDeleteEveryones sitution is different and just because someone isnt doing it the same was as you doesnt make it wrong.
My daughter was planned even though we werent married, and I have enough money to move out but I choose not too. I usually go out once a week because my daughters grandma WANTS to take her for a night to spend time with her.
Just because you are a mom doesnt mean you arent a person anymore and mom's need time for themselves too.
Honestly, even if a "high school whore who forgets to use a condom one drunk night" lives off "their own mommies and daddies" and cares about "having a good time" they could still be an amazing mom. That stuff has nothing to do with it. So you can feel like youre better than anyone that is in that situation, but I bet some are just as good of a mom as you are.
Being irritated at young moms who choose to have a baby (or multiples) and are completely irresponsible and selfish is not being judgmental. I'm not sure what your definition of judgmental is, but if the facts are there, I don't see how choosing to be pissed off at the facts could be called judgmental.
ReplyDeleteI don't need everyone to do things the same as me, nor do I want them to. What I do want is for a) people to stop passing judgment on a persons mothering skills based on her age and b) the young moms that are not providing a decent life for their babies to grow up.
This rant was not meant for you, so I don't know why you're getting defensive about how YOU are as a mother. Obviously I don't think people need to be married to have a baby (see 4th paragraph above). And I don't care about people going out - it's when it gets excessive that it bothers me. Mostly it bothers me that I get so many people thinking I AM one of those irresponsible mothers just because of how old I am and my relationship status.
I don't think a high school whore who lives on their mommy and daddy and solely cares about having a good time could possibly be a good mother. All of those characteristics are completely selfish, and selfish people do not make good mothers - end of story.
Never once did I say that moms aren't their own people, and I did not say that they don't need "me time", so I'm not even going to go into that. Young moms have a stereotype that they take "me time" too far. Everything is fine in moderation, it's when it gets absolutely ridiculous that I feel its wrong.
Most of the young moms that I am friends with on Facebook continue to prove my point that being a good mom has nothing to do with age.
I know its not about me, I was just using me as an example.
ReplyDeleteIt sounded judgemental because it seemed like you were saying any young single mom that lives at home still and goes out is a irresponsible horrible mother that cant possible be raising her kid right, when she definetly could be.
I dont think where you live or any of that has anything to do with how well you can raise your child.
I didnt say soley cares about having a good time, if it was ALL they cared about I agree but I didnt say that.
Well said..
ReplyDeleteTom
A: Kudos to this post, I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteB: I believe any mom, in any environment, has the ability to be a great mom. Money or little to no money, Their own home or not.. But as you said, those who choose to make 'going out' a big part of their lives... not so much.
C: I could be wrong, but i feel as if you stating you have your own apartment, are going to school, and are taking care of your child was your way of being proud of what you do as a parent rather than saying that's how EVERY young parent needs to be. And to that, you SHOULD be proud of all those things :) And i feel it was a well-added statement.
D: I agree the stereo-typing is ridiculous. I completely believe there are mothers out there, our age, who are better mothers to their children than 30 year old woman could ever be. I also believe mothers our age have more love and emotion to give their child.
-Brittney