Color is a basic human need…Like fire and water, A raw material, Indispensable to life.

This week is a big week. Why? Well, it's all because my grandmother decided to get married on Saturday, and she chose my parents house as the venue. What originally started as a casual fall wedding, has now evolved into a huge shindig that everybody (and then some...) is attending. Yes, even my brother and his girlfriend are flying in from Nowhere, Kansas tomorrow so they can delight in the party.

A trip to my house is first on the agenda for the week. Naturally this means that I need to kick it into high gear and get it "show-worthy." There was no way people would be coming to our house before I had the living room painted, so off we ran to Home Depot. After much deliberation (and about $25 spent purely on paint samples), we finally chose a color and embarked on our mission (see above the fireplace for a partial tasting of the samples).

9 hours later, and voila!



The 'before' shot (Aiden is an added bonus)



Our finished product, minus any decor



This project was only made possible with the ridiculously tall ladder and a trooper for a boyfriend. He stood on that ladder for hours in order to tape, paint the edges, and the roll the walls. (And no, he doesn't usually wear those ridiculous socks with shorts but apparently he thought he was being funny)



Now, I'd REALLY love to get the kitchen painted too, but I think Tom might have a heart attack if I bring that up. I guess we'll see....

Spoiler Alert!

To anybody who is being invited to Aiden's party...don't look at these pictures!

To all others: Enjoy! Here's a sneak peek at what's been ordered so far....


The invites (hopefully being printed and shipped very soon)


Table decorations


Favor tags


Banner


Door sign


Photo banner


I can't believe the date is creeping up on us so quickly!

Whirlwind

I hardly have time to think lately.

Cleaning. Midterms. Fall festivities. Decorating the new house. Cleaning. Aiden's 4 day (and counting!) diarrhea. Outfits for Boston. Cleaning. Laundry. Buy this. Return that. Freaking out about career directions. Groceries. Eyebrow wax. Cleaning.

That's my life. One thing to the next. No looking back, no looking too far ahead - it's just one moment at a time.

We leave for Boston in...oh...39-ish hours. Surreal? Yes. Luckily it's only an overnight stay that doesn't require an enormous amount of effort because we have zero ability to focus on something so minute right now. I was able to steal a half an hour at the mall last night to pick out an outfit, but I've already decided it's being returned for something a bit more...me. Trying to fit a second trip to Express in will be entertaining.

Aiden has blessed us with four smelly days of diarrhea and shows no signs of stopping. Take the smell of rotten hard-boiled eggs about 50 times and that's how bad his diapers smell from across the room. His poor little bottom is bright-red from it all. His pediatrician finally gave some ideas on how to put a kabosh to this whole ordeal so I'm hoping this is over by the time we leave. Apparently he has to stop producing tears before they really care about this diarrhea business. A bit extreme I think.

Most of the midterms for my classes have been posted. I'm ignoring them until I get back from our overnight rendezvous, which I will most likely regret. Why can't these professors just realize that there's no time for exams?! ::sigh::

Home Sweet Home

Yes, I am still alive. It's a miracle but we made it through the moving process sans any major catastrophes.

I love my new home. Maybe love isn't even the right word....I ADORE my new home!

Tom and I are probably in the "honeymoon phase" of living here still, but we constantly comment about the little things that make this place so freakin awesome. Our favorite thing so far? It's so QUIET! Nobody above us, nobody below us, and for the moment, nobody next to us! The only noise we hear is the noise we create. What a concept!!

Everything has fallen into place so perfectly and I don't think I could be any happier. I see us living here until we're able to buy a house and that's a nice feeling. It's going to take some time and some work to make it feel like ours but that's half the fun.

The majority of our boxes are unpacked, so I decided to get after painting Aiden's room right away. He's having some difficulty adjusting to his new house so I'm hoping that making his room nice and cozy will help him settle in better. It took me 4 hours yesterday to tape everything off, paint around the trim and cieling, and roll the walls and another hour today to slap a 2nd coat on. When Tom got home we put everything back together and even got the curtains up. I am SO HAPPY with it! The color turned out to be perfect.

We're hoping to tackle the living room next weekend which will be a huge undertaking. The cielings in part of the room are about 16 ft high so I'm really not looking forward to painting them. Color on the walls is necessary though.

Here's a little peak at Aiden's room. It looks so much better in person - the flash is throwing everything off
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Boston in 10 days!!!!

Get Me Out of Here!

The latest in our shitty apartment nightmare:

Our cable and internet went out on Friday night/Saturday morning. We figured it was a fluke and waited awhile, but finally Tom called on Sunday and made an appointment for Monday (during Aiden's nap time - thanks hun).

Dude comes out and pulls out all his fancy tools, running in and out of the apartment. An hour a half later and almost ready to give up, he says "I think I've found why your cable doesn't work. Come with me." We walk downstairs where he hands me this metal thing with cable screws hanging out everywhere, and shows me some cut up cable."Someone's been tapping into your cable. That's a splitter used to get your cable into their cable line. It's illegal, and I'd say it's coming from apartment 1."

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Okay, not that I'm shocked. This place is really the scum of all scum and nothing surprises me, but come on people. Isn't that a bit ridiculous?

Our cable and internet are back in working order now, and Tom left a note on the main entrance to our building addressed to "Whoever was stealing our cable..." (Not my idea, but whatever makes him feel better.)

As if I didn't hate this place enough already.

BUT! We move on Thursday. There are boxes everywhere and this place is a disaster zone, but incidences like the above continually remind me that it's all worth it. We're heading off to our little pleasant-ville house where we can finally enjoy some peace and quiet without having to worry that someone is hacking into our freaking cable. Do I feel sorry for the people who are moving in here? Slightly. They have no idea what they're getting into. In this situation, though, my tiny feelings of guilt are overpowered by the strong need to get the hell out of here.

Now, if you will please brace yourself for the horrifying pictures that follow. Please note! I do not live this way out of choice. I am just as appalled as you are. (Notice that I have attempted to keep some sort of organization but my attempts are failing)

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Stuff on the counters, stuff on the table, stuff on the floor, boxes covering every inch


Bare walls, empty shelves, and - you guessed it- MORE BOXES!

Doors of Opportunity?

My doctor in Boston introduced me to a lady named Tami Green. She, like me, has Borderline Personality Disorder and is recovered. She is now a life coach especially geared towards those with BPD and is traveling all over the country to do presentations and attend different events. In a nutshell? She has my dream job!

Heather's death has sparked such an intense desire in me to use my experience to help others in the same position. I want to help people - I've always wanted to help people - and I want to help others through what I've been through.

Here comes the magical part of this story:
Apparently Tami is overwhelmed with work and wants to expand her business. Uh, HI! That's where I come in!! When she met with my doctor today for a little chat (because he's this big-wig psychiatrist that everyone wants to meet with apparently) and mentioned this to him, he gave her my name and then preceded to email us both. What did he have to say about me?

"Tami - Lauren is a wonderful young woman, whom I had mentioned and who is very bright and has been a huge advocate of her care, and treatment of BPD. As you consider other people who might be good in terms of advocacy and coaching, Lauren has done a tremendous job of healing and she is a great writer. She has talked of getting into doing direct work with people who suffer with BPD."

Thank you, doc!

So what if this is my foot-in-the-door opportunity? I can't imagine doing anything more fulfilling than helping people with BPD. I can't imagine being any more passionate about my job than I would be if I was essentially doing the same thing Tami is doing.

Obviously I'm getting way ahead of myself, here. She hasn't emailed me back and I have no idea if this will even lead me anywhere, but just the idea of it all has me in a tizzy. Yes, a tizzy.

If this is something I choose to go after, I may quit my nursing education. WCTC actually has a Human Services Degree which would go along nicely with a life coach certification in terms of credentials. I get that having some form of education would be beneficial, so giving up school altogether probably isn't the best idea. But honestly, my heart is way more into psychology than it is in nursing (for obvious reasons).

I guess we'll see where this takes me.

Mad World

I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be walking through life in a complete daze and ready to cry at any moment. I cried a lot less today, but the breakdowns were much more sporadic. Something as simple as eating dinner will make me remember a specific time I had with Heather and cause tears to well up.

As I find out more and more about the circumstances surrounding her death, I realize that there was no way to prevent what happened from happening. It was a meticulously thought out plan - something that took great amounts of preparing for on her part, and obviously something she was more than determined to accomplish. There was no turning back for her. She wrapped up every loose end imaginable and never looked back.

I did not fall asleep until 4am this morning, and woke up at 7 with Aiden. My brain wanders to too many places and fills up with countless questions, images, and worries. I was able to take a nap for a few hours and was haunted by the thoughts even in my sleep.

I know that this is the most difficult time and that it will indeed pass. I know I will always feel the sadness at some level and that this will forever be with me. I wish it wasn't something I had to experience in life - I wish it wasn't something anyone had to experience in life.

The world is continuing to live on, and despite the fact that I've been avoiding almost everything for the past 32 hours, I know I've got to jump back into things as well. Our move is officially scheduled for October 1st which is only a week away. We have a pretty good start to our packing but there's still a lot that needs to be done. Time just seems to be ticking at half the speed - I can't get out of this place fast enough. I am so excited to be moving into something that is an actual home and I will not miss the white trash that surrounds us here.

We also booked our trip out to Boston last night. We're leaving early in the morning on October 15th and coming back late on October 16th. I wish we could stay longer but we can't afford the expense of a Friday night hotel room in downtown Boston. I'll be seeing my doctor for an hour each day, but otherwise we're going to enjoy as much of the city as we possibly can in the time that we have. I'm lucky that I know my way around so we don't have to mess around with that part of things. It's going to be hard to narrow down the places that we visit to just a few, though. Regardless, my main reason for going is to catch up with my doctor. After a brief conversation on the phone with him yesterday I knew it was important for me to make the trip to see him. Especially after all that has happened, I really need to get my head together.

Pure exhaustion has set in, though. Hopefully I will be too tired to think.